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Whittling Away: Good Eats

Written By Editor on 11/25/22 | 11/25/22

By Dick Brooks

      Thanksgiving Day, I love our country's harvest celebration, of course I'm pretty fond of any occasion involving friends and food.  It gives us a moment to pause and consider what we have to be thankful for and to fortify ourselves for the season of shopping that lies ahead.
     I am in awe of our ancestors, how the Pilgrims could have foreseen their simple feast as the starting place of our annual shopping frenzy has always amazed me.  The first Thanksgiving was pretty clever anyway, it lasted three days, that took care of the left-overs problem.  They stuffed their Indian guests who had provided most of the protein consumed, venison being the meat of choice, since these were pre-Bambi days.  The five deer consumed at the feast outranked the turkeys that were prepared, probably since the Pilgrims hadn't yet figured out how to get those little pop-up thermometer things into the chests of the wild birds they had shot.  The last day of the celebration, they finished up the food, watched the Macy's parade and went shopping, starting the tradition that lasts to this very day.  I tried to be traditional this year but all the Indians, tribal people and Native Americans I knew were busy, this being the season in which they are most in demand, so we'll have to settle for relatives and a couple of our favorite neighbors to complete our guest list.  Unfortunately, they just don't have the appetites of most hunter-gatherers and will most likely leave us with a turkey overload.
     This is the season that makes me glad I'm a carnivore.  It may not set well with my vegetarian friends out there but I'm at peace with myself over it--If I'm going to feast--something is going to die!  I just can't imagine basting a hubbard squash or trying to stuff a zucchini.  I've tried to feel sorry for the turkey, honest I have.  It's not their fault they're so tasty.  I do take comfort in the fact that due to selective breeding over the years, the average domestic turkey has an IQ even lower than the typical Jerry Springer Show participant.  The poor things could be dead for a week before they noticed it.  Man, being the top of the local food chain, doesn't like intelligent food.  We have bred our domesticated animals for their weight and not for their brains.  We like them dumb and easy to catch, consequently there is a vast difference between the domesticated and the wild version of the same animal.  Ask any turkey hunter how smart the wild turkey is and they usually can keep you entertained for days about the tricks played on them by the wily birds.  Now imagine hunting at the local Butter-ball ranch.  I shouldn't have said that, now some idiot will probably come up with some way of hunting domestic turkeys over the internet, using joy stick controlled shotguns.  Maybe the domesticated turkey isn't the lowest thing on the intelligence scale!
     Well, this has been pleasant, but I have to go now, I going to have about four hundred pounds of left-overs to store somewhere.  The fridge, the cats, Telly the dog and me are all  o  be going full.  I wonder,when the rush is over, if I could talk the Indians to coming over for left-overs?
     Thought for the week--Start each day off with a smile and get it over with.--
         W.C. Fields
     Until next week, may you and yours be happy and well.   

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