By Helle Thorning, Ph.D.
It was the first weekend in December and my grandkids, ages 7 and 9, were visiting. When we planned what to do, they said, “Let’s bake cookies!” What a wonderful idea—and exactly the kind of thing a grandmother should do. The only problem? I rarely bake.
Still, how hard could it be? I had warm memories of baking with my own grandmother. In no time, we had a recipe, a shopping list, and off we went.
Despite the simple recipe, our collective goodwill, and plenty of enthusiasm, the outcome wasn’t what we expected. We added too much flour, forgot the food coloring, and made frosting that refused to firm up. The kitchen (plus the kids—and me) ended up covered in dough. And when we finally tasted the cookies, they resembled dry, hard bread more than the sugar cookies we’d imagined. A colossal disappointment all around.
Does the scene sound familiar?
The holiday season is upon us. It’s a wonderful time, but it can also be stressful. The promise of joy, laughter, perfect gifts, and seamless family togetherness is everywhere—on social media, in movies, in storefronts, and across neighborhood porches. Yet for many of us, this season brings a complicated mix of the good, the bad, and the ugly.
You might be anxious about hosting a gathering, anticipating difficult conversations with relatives who have different traditions or political views, or navigating family dynamics that get triggered this time of year. The season can also intensify feelings of grief or loss. It may remind us of people we miss, prompt reflection on where our life has been and where it’s going, highlight financial strain during a gift-focused time, or stir difficult memories from holidays past.
These experiences can lead to what many call the holiday blues, which are often seasonal and temporary. You may notice a general sense of sadness, changes in eating or sleeping patterns, withdrawing from activities you normally enjoy, feeling hopeless, increased tension with family or community, or slipping back into unhealthy coping habits such as smoking, drinking, overeating, oversleeping, or misusing substances. Anyone can become sad during the holidays, and it’s important to remember you are not alone.
What Can I Do to Make the Holidays More Tolerable—Or Even Enjoyable?
Your holiday gathering is more likely to be successful when you attend to your own needs and support others in caring for theirs. A few simple strategies can make a meaningful difference.
Start by setting ground rules and asking about specific needs that might help everyone feel more comfortable. Just as we ask about dietary restrictions, we can gently ask about emotional or environmental needs. It may help to decide together which topics are off-limits—politics, illness, unemployment, or relationship struggles. Agreeing on a realistic budget for gifts or food ensures no one feels pressured to overspend.
Throughout the gathering, be mindful of your reactions: respond rather than react. If you need a moment, step outside or into another room to regroup. If someone says something hurtful, try calmly saying; Now is neither the time nor the place to discuss this. Let’s enjoy ourselves today. Sharing positive comments—complimenting someone’s outfit, decorations, or efforts—can help lift the mood and make others feel appreciated. And remember that it’s okay to take breaks: call a friend, take a walk, or leave early if you’re overwhelmed.
Plan Ahead: Create Your Own Holiday Season Survival Plan
• Make a list of situations that have upset you in the past and plan alternative responses.
• Review anniversary dates of losses or celebrations and anticipate how you may feel so others can offer support.
• Make a list of small things that genuinely help you enjoy the season.
• Write down a personal self-care plan: How will you care for yourself during this season?
The Eight Dimensions of Wellness is a helpful whole-person tool for supporting well-being: https://library.samhsa.gov/sites/default/files/sma16-4958.pdf
In the next issue of Mountaintop Emotional Resilience, I’ll explore the tricky business of New Year’s resolutions using the lens of the Eight Dimensions of Wellness.
Helle Thorning, Ph.D.MS, LCSW is a licensed mental health professional and educator. You can learn more about her and her practice here
https://www.psychologytoday.com/profile/1284875
If you or someone you know is feeling hopeless or thinking about suicide, call 988 for immediate support. You can also reach out to a trusted friend, family member, clergy member, or licensed mental health professional—no one has to face these feelings alone.
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