As we attempt to find better ways to AGE GRACEFULLY…growing wiser with each year, there’s a recurring issue of feeling emotional vulnerability that keeps coming up among those within my community.
This topic may bring about an initial sense of denial, mistrust, or a desire to want to learn more to find solutions. If so, read on.
Back in the day, we tended to blame our parents for everything that was wrong in our lives. In truth, the environment that we grew up in has played a huge role in our emotional vulnerability. Not being understood by those in our younger lives only increased that sense of uneasiness that then led to mistrust.
Being told your reactions were unwarranted back then only heightened that state of emotional sensitivity. Those resulting painful feelings remained buried deep within unfortunately. We carried them into our adulthood..oftentimes unresolved and leaving us not quite understanding why we were so quick to overreact.
Feelings…having them, expressing them, repressing them…all have led to our elder years becoming more frequent states of being over stressed and being overwhelmed a lot of the time.
None of what I just described is comfortable. I have personal knowledge of this. So then, what’s the answer? How can we be acknowledged for our feelings now, in a day and age when the fast paced lives of the younger generations leaves little opportunities for us to be heard. How can we heal?
I’m going to offer some suggestions that have helped me over the years from a wealth of resources that I have researched on this topic. It is my hope that you might find even one solution among those offered to start you on the road to developing better skills to reduce the fears that vulnerability stirs up.
Let’s start at the beginning. What was the origin of a problem, considering then the chain reactions that occurred exacerbating the issue. Consider what prompted the event. Sometimes, you’ll find there was a build up from something small, like a comment, that grew into a snowball effect.
-Might there have been a prolonged illness, a need for support that went unmet, having a physical limitation that continued to get worse. I think you can see where I’m headed here. Be as gentle with yourself as you can be.
After all, this is your story that you’re attempting to understand and not wanting to repeat going forward.
–Re frame the entire situation by re-thinking it through again and this time seeing it from all sides and from every angle including your own reactions. Stepping away from your very uncomfortable feelings of vulnerability is key here. I’m not suggesting you discount those feelings. Just see what part of the triggers within yourself may have contributed to the resulting issue.
-Playing the blame game at this point will not result in the resolution you might be seeking. Trust in yourself and if warranted trust in the other parties involved. If trust is the main issue, then to achieve peace, just come from your position at first. It’s your mental health at stake here.
Learn to listen from a loving place; allow completion of thoughts from all parties before over talking or shutting down yourself. Try not to contemplate how you’ll want to respond, stay present when you need to just listen, pause, take a breath and then move forward with your thoughts. Take notes, jot down important items that you believe contributed to the resulting outcome of an issue. Then start your communication from that point.
-Recognize that your deep desire to overcome your fear and feelings of vulnerability may be met with rejection regardless of how genuine your intentions are. If that happens, unfortunately, you might be back at square one with no workable plan or tools to find a better place to work with Re-visiting topics at a future time might work then.
Regardless, tough life long issues do take some time and effort to resolve.
I think that as the Elders, opening up this dialogue with kindness and compassion can perhaps heal generations of pain once and for all. We can remain relevant and heard when we teach by our own good example. It’s never too late.
Pat Larsen is a certified clinical hypnotherapist in Greene County, NY
Pat can be reached at 518-275-8686
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