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Indie Film Set to Bring Hollywood Magic to Tannersville

Written By The Mountain Eagle on 9/5/24 | 9/5/24




Scan this code or email justin@thebrokengenius.com for more information and to sign up to be a part of Death Death. QR Code Submitted by Death Death, LLC


Death Death map of upcoming movie shoot provided by Death Death, LLC.



By Max Oppen

Tannersville - The Village of Tannersville and the surrounding Town of Hunter are about to take center stage in a heartwarming indie film that promises to captivate audiences with its unique storyline and local charm. The film, which features an all-female-identifying cast and crew, will be shooting in the area from September 4 through the 25th, with an inspiring event taking place on September 8.

The Brooklyn-based production company, Death Death, LLC, will be shooting around the area for 16 days. "We're shooting in and around Tannersville, Hunter, East Jewett, Shandaken, and Phoenicia," said Katrina Kearns, who is in charge of safety operations for the film.

The film is set in Mooseton, Michigan, a fictional town made up by the Director, Marissa Ruben.

A Tale of Sisterhood and Healing

The film tells the poignant and comedic story of two estranged sisters who reunite on Mother's Day to fulfill their late mother's dying wish: to recreate the plot of a beloved 80's classic. This journey of rediscovery and healing explores themes of sisterhood, friendship, grief, and the stories we tell ourselves. The screenplay has garnered attention in several prestigious competitions, including the ScreenCraft Comedy, Nashville Film Festival, and Scriptation Showcase.

Calling All Local Talent

On September 8, the Village of Tannersville will host a unique Mother's Day Parade scene, and the filmmakers are reaching out to the local community for volunteer background actors. The production team is primarily looking for female-identifying individuals and mother-daughter duos to participate in this heartwarming scene. It's an excellent opportunity for locals to experience the magic of filmmaking firsthand and contribute to a meaningful project that supports female-identifying filmmakers. The filmmakers are looking for 100-200 females to participate in the parade.

At a special Village of Tannersville Board Meeting held last week, Ruben said, "Everything comes together at this Mother's Day Parade. There is nowhere on the planet that is better to shoot this parade than in this Town, and we feel fortunate that you all have been so gracious and welcoming."

The scene will be filmed on Main Street, with a portion of the road between Railroad Avenue and South Main Street closed from 6:00 AM to 4:00 PM. Businesses along Main Street are encouraged to set up stands during the parade, as the filmmakers aim to create a vibrant and celebratory atmosphere that benefits the entire community.

However, I've heard through the grapevine that not all businesses are on board, and some feel they will lose a substantial amount of income by having Main Street in the Village shut down on a Sunday.

Village of Tannersville Trustee George Kelly asked Ruben if they could shoot the parade scene on an alternate day (instead of Sunday) so as not to impact local businesses. Kearns, in charge of safety operations for the film, told Kelly they would look into it, but that for them, a weekend day would show how busy Tannersville is and would be more ideal than a weekday.

Deputy Village Mayor David Kashman said, "Historically, a Sunday closure has never been well received by the business community and this Board." Kashman added that he had spoken to two other businesses that were opposed to shutting down Main Street all day.

Ruben and Kearns also attended last week's Town of Hunter Board meeting. Ruben said, "We're just so excited and grateful for everyone having been so welcoming, and we just want to make sure you all are comfortable." Regarding the Main Street closure, Kearns said they would have five-minute shoots and then let traffic flow through.

Supervisor Sean Mahoney said, "If you're not performing a closure within our Town, certainly Sergeant [Robert] Haines should be aware if you were going to be closing 23C, but there's no permit from us [needed]." Kearns replied, "We just wanted to ensure you were aware of what we're doing because it might also impact you."

Mahoney then asked about the Route 214 shoot, which is within Town limits. Kearns said, "There won't necessarily be a road closure that day. We're going to be in our cars the entire time." Kearns said they would be driving with a tow rig that would carry the actor's car so that they wouldn't be driving. "It prevents anything from happening and protects [the actors'] safety," Kearns added. They typically drive 10 miles under the posted speed limit, which could create traffic delays. The car is rigged with camera equipment, making it wider than a standard vehicle. The tow rig is even wider.

The shoot on Route 214 is on Friday, September 6. Kearns said, "It's the last scene of our day, and it's a pretty standard operation. I've done about 20-30 movies with this particular rig. We've never had a problem." They will shoot from 2 or 3 p.m. until approximately 5 p.m. Kearns said they will shoot from both directions on Rt. 214.

The shoot on 23C will last from 6:00 a.m. to 10 p.m. Kearns said they don't know if there will be a police presence during the shoot.

A Community Effort

The film's production team has been in close contact with Village Clerk Robin Dumont, Town Supervisor Sean Mahoney, and Mayor David Schneider to ensure the filming process runs smoothly and with minimal disruption. The team has coordinated with local authorities to arrange road closures and safety measures, including on-site police presence during the parade scene.

While the September 8 parade scene is the most significant event for local involvement, the film crew will be shooting various scenes throughout Tannersville and Hunter over the next few weeks. The Sunview Motel on Main Street will serve as the base camp for the production, and residents can expect to see production trucks, equipment, and crew members around Town.

Get Involved

If you've ever dreamed of being in a movie or want to support local artists, this is your chance. Interested individuals are encouraged to contact Justin at justin@thebrokengenius.com with their name, contact information, and a brief description of themselves. You can also scan a QR code for more details. This volunteer opportunity offers a unique experience to be part of a motion picture while helping to bring a powerful story to life.

Most of Tannersville's community has already welcomed the production team, and this film promises to be a testament to the area's charm and the spirit of its residents. Whether you're participating as a background actor or simply enjoying the spectacle, the upcoming weeks will be an exciting time for the mountaintop as Hollywood comes to the Catskills.



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Ashland Speaks

By Lula Anderson

Labor Day Weekend has come and gone.  So many people trying to cram in the last of the summer activities before vacation is over.  School will be starting soon, school taxes are in the mail,  Many had to pick and choose what activities they were going to participate in.  What picnic should we skip?  If we go to your picnic and leave early, we can go to the next.  Oh good, the one was rescheduled for Sunday, so we can go to yours and mine.  Hurry, Hurry.  Get in the sun and swimming before the Autumn season starts.  Start planning your winter schedule:  What slopes will you be skiing on this year?  What lift plan should we get?  What gives us the biggest bang for the buck?  Hurry, Hurry.  The year is passing quickly.  I, for one, enjoy this time of the year when I can sit quietly in the sun and watch the season change, slowly, from summer to fall.  The birds sound different.  The leaves are in the transition stage from dark green to yellow green.  The flowers are at their showy peak.  Vegetable gardens are ready to pick.  Slow down.  Enjoy life!

Johanna is moved in and cutting hair in my old barbershop.  It's conveniently located on 23 and very handy for me to attend my Friday appointments.  One less place where I have to drive.  The only thing, when she cleaned out my "office", she moved everything into my "craft room" which was already overflowing with what have you.  Now, every day I have to go through a minimum of one carton and decide what goes and what stays, and where to put it.  Johanna has a friend who is taking my stained glass, but the boxes are so heavy that they can only move on or two a day.  I thought that I had emptied all of Andy's stuff after the flood, but there was still so much in the back of the cabinets.  Too many memories that no one else can share.  

Jewett welcomes a new business:  Gardens by Trista.  It is located at the site of the former Kerns greenhouses just below the original garden shop.  I was going to drop by during their open house, but never got there.  I was hoping to find out details about Trista and her endeavor.  Next week.

My son adopted a cat after Billy Matthews passed.  Of course, it was female and pregnant.  He came home one afternoon and couldn't find her.  She had crawled under his covers and gave birth to 6 beautiful kittens.  They are 8 weeks old, litter trained and looking for a new home.  If interested, call me. 518-734-5360.

WAJPL Craft Classes have ended for this year, and some of the work is on display as our Autumn decorations.  So many of the students leaving were already preparing for next year's classes.   Now that the newbies know what is going on, they are starting to plan ahead and get patterns and ideas ready.  Next up will be planning for the Holiday luncheon.  We still have guest speakers lined up for the remainder of our meetings.  We also HAVE to have election of officers this year.  As always, we are looking for "new blood".  The club is for those 55 years of age and up.  It's a great way to meet and greet your neighbors, plus take the time to learn what programs Greene County has to offer their Senior Citizens.  I know that you feel that you aren't old enough for a Senior Citizen Club, but many of our younger seniors have found that we are a very active group that is open to suggestions.  Plus, our Pot Luck refreshments are the talk of the County.

Just because you're in the country, and you're paying for a room or B&B, doesn't mean that everything is included.  I hear reports of people taking wood off of wood piles because they want a bonfire and don't have enough gumption to pick it up from the wood that the electric company left behind.  Janet Goos wants people to know that, even though the store is closed, she and Teddy still live on the premises and to leave her geraniums alone.  

AS I REMEMBER IT

I have often told you about how my father stabled horses at area boarding houses for the guests to ride.  Once Labor Day passed, it was time for the family to enjoy their horses.  Sundays were a day of rest from daily chores, so after church, and the animals were fed and cows milked, we got to do fun things as a family.  Our friends from Cementon, the Feurgasons, would frequently join us when we went out on our horses.  We would saddle up as many as needed, and head up North Settlement, to Route 10, over to 32C, and to the top of the road which leads to Conesville.  It was always such a pleasant day.  The smell of the horses, and the everchanging smells of the area.  We'd watch the animals and  birds come out of the woods to see what we were doing.  The sun shining down on our heads, warming us after a chilly morning, until one day, my mother couldn't make it.  She was dizzy and had a hard time staying on the horse.  Needless to say, we turned back where she went in and lay down.  For a couple of weeks, all horseback riding was terminated.  I was nine years old and scared that I would lose my mother. She recovered, and before the snow, we did go out on a few more rides, but it just didn't seem the same –  until April 5, when my brother Franklyn was born.  By the next fall, we were out  and enjoying the fall mountains, with an extra passenger.

Have a happy fall.  Get out and enjoy the mountain air.  



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Local History with Dede Terns-Thorpe - Catskill Mountain House

Today, we’ll cover a few more tidbits about the Catskill Mountain House as explained in Mr. Roland Van Zandt's 1966 book, The Catskill Mountain House. Van Zandt later had a 25th edition in 1991, copyrighted by Deb Allan of the Black Dome Press. Van Zandt explains the difficult travel to arrive there, what visitors did while spending their summers, and the area’s broad 200-year history. 

Construction started on the building at Pine Orchard in 1823 with its opening on July 4, 1824. But it was some 20 years later that under the ownership of Charles Lebatt Beach, we were given the white Greek Corinthian 13-columned building visible from the valley. That white speck was a continual sight to the many generations on and off the mountain.  

Author and Historian Roland Van Zandt shares his words about “the noblest wonder of the Hudson Valley”. He tells us how the scene played out during its final goodbye in the early hours of January 25, 1963. The House, built without protection against the elements, stood proudly for 140 years. How sad for the Haines Falls firemen conducting the controlled burn on that cold January 25th, 1963. They had grown up with that Greek Castle in the sky. 

Van Zandt explained how its demise became a dangerous necessity—years of neglect had created a hulking ruin. He covered the period from 1820 to 1830 and explained that the Hudson Valley was the focal center of the nation. It was the artery for trade and traffic and the fastest-growing commercial and social center of the nation. Van Zandt said that the only sizable area with ninety or more inhabitants per square mile was the region extending from N.Y.C. across New Jersey to Philadelphia. (This helps us understand the arrival of Philadelphia’s George Harding and his Hotel Kaaterskill.)

Van Zandt explains why it was our section of the Catskills that became an early resort area. He said it wasn’t until the coming of the railroads that tourism spread into other areas of the Wall of Manitou, the Indians' name for the wall of mountains between Catskill and Kingston. 

I am one of those handful of people lucky enough to remember the C.M.H. A few of us will even admit to having gone inside the ruined building, up the fire escape, or danced in the parlor. As Van Zandt said, it was difficult for people to not go inside and visit the great building. (Van Zandt himself first saw the shattered Catskill Mountain House in 1958). 

East Jewett Historian and Author Doris Brooks continually credited Charles L. Beach, proprietor of the C.M.H., for all he did for the mountaintop. Beach was ultimately responsible for the start-up of the Laurel House. In 1846 he was approached by two female guests of the hotel, inquiring about a more reasonable place to stay. He sent them to a nearby boarding house belonging to Mr. Theodore Overbaugh and located near the site of the future Laurel House. 

It’s the workers who built these great hotels and the historians who saved our history that have given us what we have today. Thank you all. 

Thanks for reading. It was wonderful studying the history of the beginning of tourism in the Town of Hunter. 

Schools are open, drive carefully, and stay safe.

Dede Terns-Thorpe/HunterHistorian


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Windham Arts Alliance Art Extravaganza

This past August, Windham Arts Alliance in collaboration with the Main Street Community Center and the Mountaintop Arboretum brought a two-day plein-air painting gathering to the Mountaintop. The artwork produced at these two events is on display at the Main Street Community Center until November 1, 2024. Come and see the art that was created and meet the artists on September 7 from 1:00 to 5:00 pm. We are very excited to present the Lex Grey Trio from 3:00 pm to 5:00 pm. There is no charge for this event. The Main Street Community Center is located at 5494 State Route 23 (aka Main Street), Windham, NY (518.734.4168 or mainstreetcenter.org).

If you take 25 artists and bring them to the same place to paint or draw, what will happen? Amazingly, you will get 25 entirely different interpretations of what attracted their attention. What was important to each of them was as varied as their styles and personalities. Some people just walking the Path stopped to look at the artists working. Three children visiting with their family stopped and joined the presentation and started to paint. It was a wonderful day for all. Come and see how the artists interpreted the beauty of the Catskills.

Lex is an award-winning Blues singer and an inductee in the New York State Blues Hall of Fame. Join Lex for an intimate afternoon of moody music from the 1920’s and beyond. WAA is honored to be able to  present the Lex Grey Trio at our opening. 

Windham Arts Alliance would like to thank the Main Street Community Center, the Mountaintop Arboretum, and the Town of Windham for helping to make this event possible.


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Filmed Locally - Werewolves Within


By Bradley Towle

CATSKILLS REGION — Werewolves Within is a 2021 horror comedy filmed in Phoenecia and Flieschmanns based on the video game of the same name. Production on the film began in the precarious February of 2020, a mere weeks before the Covid-19 shutdown began. 

While the game is set in a medieval village, and the film is set in the fictional Beaverton, Vermont, filmmaker Josh Ruben knew he wanted to shoot the movie in the Catskills. The Woodstock native recounted to the Times Union in 2021 how much the eerie woods of his childhood continue to captivate his imagination. “I’m both traumatized by and constantly inspired by those woods,” said Ruben. “I was terrified of the woods here, I watched great movies here, I made great friends here, I played here and dreamt here and wrote here and read here. I love this area, and I knew I wanted to shoot in the Hudson Valley again,” he told SagIndie (Ruben’s previous film, Scare Me, was shot in Bearsville). He convinced the studio that there was an abundance of talented crew for the film in the area. With his fiancee’s suggestion of event venue Spillian in Flieschmanns as The Beaverfield Inn, they had a critical location for the film and production headquarters. “You want a place like the Beaverfield Inn to feel like a character the moment you walk in, and [Spillian] felt like a parlor in Clue, with the ballroom and the cafe and the labyrinthine hallways and dark corners. It felt perfect, and we knew we had to go.”

The film boasts an ensemble cast, including Sam Richardson, Milana Vayntrub, and Michaela Watkins, who portray inhabitants of a small town trapped in a snowstorm who begin to suspect one among them is a werewolf. An ongoing subplot surrounds a local discord over a proposed pipeline, adding to the small town’s tension and character. The film premiered in June 2021 at the Tribeca Film Festival and had a screening at The 32 Drive-In in Greenville on June 17th, 2021, ahead of its wider release on June 25th (a tenuous summer for movie theaters) and received generally positive reviews praising its playfulness. In August 2024, the Phoenicia Diner held a screening of the film as a part of the Lexington Film Fest. The diner offered “a themed werewolf dinner and drink offering” with cast and crew members, including actress Anni Krueger, Corey Spears, and Doria Tremente, in attendance. Werewolves Within is currently available across several streaming platforms. 


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The Trust that Protects the Land of Schoharie County, Part II

By Samuel Feldman

JEFFERSON — The Schoharie Land Trust was created in 1990 to help preserve agricultural, scenic, forested, natural, recreational and open spaced land. It was organized by Co-chairmen Bob Smith and Karl Westphal, as well as Kenneth Hotopp, Mary O’Donnell and other residents. Today the trust protects 30 land parcels totaling 3276 acres.

We interviewed Schoharie Land Trust President Andrew Mason about its history and operations. We continue the interview from last edition.

- For what type of landowner is this trust most beneficial?

It's definitely people who, as I described earlier, want to protect their land in the future. So it's people who may have lived on the land all their life, and so it is important to them that it will be protected. Or it is people who recognize the importance of conservation of land.

And that is their philosophy is to protect the environment, and they want to do that with their own land. We don't really go out looking for land. People come to us. Hopefully, people know we're available, that we're a resource protecting land, and they come to us.

There are the tax benefits which are a little bit of a sweetener for people, but they're not so big that I think people do this just for the tax benefits. They do it because they think it's the right thing to do.

- Maybe it is also useful for farmers. Because they can farm the land.

Yes. Some farmers do sell off their farms to developers. That is not an uncommon thing that has happened quite a bit in the past, especially a farmer who is having trouble financially, making a go of it. So it does benefit farmers because they get this tax benefit.

But again, looking to the future, they may think, well, the time may come when I have to sell this land and break it up to survive, or sell pieces off just to pay their taxes. So, you know, again, it depends on the mindset of the farmer, and also, maybe, how successful the farmers are. For example, in the Schoharie Valley, there is flat, excellent farmland, and those farmers, they are doing well. We don't have any easements on that farmland because they don't really need it.

The farms that we do have easements on are the ones up in the hills, and they are smaller and harder to farm. They have limited land that can be cultivated, with more forests and hills. So they are more financially struggling, perhaps. So those farms, I think, are more likely to be interested in a conservation easement.

- Is there anything done to increase the tax break?

That would require an act of the legislature. The legislature is the ones who put this tax rebate in place some years ago.

And, I haven't heard of any move to increase that tax cut. The money comes from the state. The people still pay their local taxes, so the local towns and schools still get their full tax payment.

But then when the landowner goes to do their state income taxes, that is when they get the rebate. So the money comes, not from the local government, but from the state government. So it is the state that has to fund this tax rebate program. So it would have to be the state that would increase the cut.

I think the fear is more that if the state gets in financial trouble as they do occasionally, that they might do away with the tax cut. But so far, it's been in place for about 20 years now. It seems to be pretty well entrenched.

The state, by and large, encourages conservation easements. Because, when the state wants to take land and turn it into a park, a preserve of some sort and protect it that way. That is controversial because it requires, basically, taking people's land away. They get paid for it, but they may not have a choice. The government often does not pay local taxes for preserved land. So the local municipalities are also not happy.

But, with conservation easements, the land is still under the landowner's control. They still pay their local taxes. So it is a way of protecting land that still keeps it active. The easements do allow logging and agriculture.

They allow uses that don't damage the land. It is just a more benign way of protecting the land rather than the government taking it over. So I think the government likes the arrangement with the land trusts and the easements.

- Do you know of any tax breaks for land, besides the one for the conservation easement?

Farmers have opportunities to reduce their taxes. Agricultural land is assessed for tax purposes at a lower rate than residential land or commercial land. So that is a break they got. And if they are in an agricultural district, Schoharie County has several, that also reduces their taxes. So there are benefits for farmers.

For regular landowners, there are tax breaks for senior citizens. There are tax breaks for firefighters or first responders. Tax breaks for veterans. Most towns give a tax break, not completely free of taxes, but they get a reduction.

Not for profit organizations such as ours, we do not have to pay taxes on land they own. In addition to the conservation easements, we own 3 or 4 parcels of land that we protect and we do not have to pay taxes on them because we are non-profit. Other groups like that also don't have to pay local school taxes and property taxes.

- In your opinion, do you think people use these tax breaks or maybe not enough?

Do they know about them? I think people generally do. The government sort of makes an effort to publicize them. And, I think pretty much everyone that is eligible uses that.

I imagine most farmers take advantage of the tax breaks that they can have. There is also another tax break for farmers, which is not land taxes, so that they do not have to pay sales tax on farm equipment or farm related purchases. So that is quite a savings for them. So, I think most people are aware of and take advantage of those tax breaks.

- Is there something you can suggest to ease the tax burden on landowners, farmers?

Well, one thing will be to just change the method of taxation. Changing it to either increasing the sales tax or increasing income tax. Which are the other two main ways that the government raises money.

Some localities do have a local income tax, for example, NYC, and I think one or two municipalities downstate. But that is something that has to be allowed by the legislature. The state has to give them permission to put an income tax in place.

So, it is possible it could happen. But, people will react to any new tax. So if, for example, Schoharie County said, well, we are going to put an income tax in place, there would be an uproar, even when they reduce the property taxes by an equal amount.

I think people would just be upset.

- And also the renters probably will be very unhappy.

That's right.

It would help some people, and it would hurt some people. It would help the landowners. But, people that live in an apartment, they would get some benefit out of it because their landlords would be paying less property tax. And that would presumably reduce their rent somewhat. But it would be a complicated change.


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Musings of a Local by Iris Mead - REMEMBER THE MAYTAG MAN? A Personal Story

I do, as my father was one, for 35 years! His name was Stanley C. Mead and was the Maytag and Whirlpool representative and only washer repairman in the Margaretville, Roxbury, Fleischmanns and beyond area for all that time.  Working from a small red barn in Halcottsville behind our house, he repaired all brands of washers and dryers.  I remember the barn having many washers sitting around, some used ones for sale, some waiting to be repaired and re-sold and some junkers behind the barn for parts.  Of course, there was one or two brand-new ones to show potential customers what was available.   In no way was it a “showroom”.  As part of the barn, an inside room held a long workbench, many shelves lined with tools and parts,

and I always remember the big vise he had on the bench.   Stan could fix anything or make a part to fix anything. Also in the red barn were cubbyholes where he kept stock for the Hinman milking machines that he also sold.  Farms were still plentiful in this area at the time.

Since he traveled many miles around the area, I liked to ride with him occasionally, especially when he had to repair the machines at the big hotels, like the Takanassee and the Grand Hotel, which was built partly in Delaware County and partly in Ulster County.  It was exciting to drive up to these big hotels with many guests around and wish I could stay there.  The laundry rooms were not that exciting, hot and crowded, and then there were the big ironing machines, called ??, that had large round rollers that ironed sheets and pillowcases quickly and more efficiently than by hand.  Dad was always welcomed both there and by housewives because when the washer was broken dirty clothes piled up.  House calls were around $15-$25 depending on mileage and extent of the repairs needed and not always paid at the time of the call.

Stan went to work as a young man with his uncle, Demas Mead, who was then the local washer repairman, and coincidently had a repair shop on Swart Street in Margaretville, the street that Stan was living on when he died in 1981.  My father worked on washing machines when they were run on gasoline, through wringer washers with round tubs, sometimes having to remove a finger or two from the wringers, and then to the automatic washer we know today.  He would order his merchandise from a distributor in Binghamton and they would be delivered by truck to the red barn.  

After he retired, I wrote to the Maytag Company in Ames, Iowa, which made the best cheese, by the way, and told them about my father and his years of selling Maytag’s.  He received a certificate but no cheese.  There are still people in the area who remember Stan Mead and the service he provided for 35 years and the Maytag’s that lasted years, it was the Whirlpools that broke down.


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Roxbury Labor Day Potluck and Fireworks

By Robert Brune

ROXBURY — This past Sunday’s flurry of events concluded with the Roxbury community Labor Day weekend potluck. The food was plentiful and delicious with a great selection of delightful salads of all kinds. The feast was a welcome treat after a long day of costume races, tug of war, and hammer and nail team relay teams flew back and forth. 

This evening of mingling with family, neighbors, and friends finished off with another marvelous fireworks display orchestrated by Glen Faulkner. The giant colors spreading across the sky had the audience in awe. Just prior to the grand finale, an unexpected rain shower blanked the field as the spectators scurried for cover. The downpour gave way slowly to a misty sprinkle as the finale happened. Every droplet had magnified the fireworks creating a beautiful luminescent fairytale like atmosphere. 

As with each closing to our days of summer, the community joined together sharing stories of their travels and adventures of the season 



Photo Credit Steve Craig. Craig also donated these costumes to the event livening up an already perfect evening 



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The Moment My Life Changed - A discussion of perseverance through a debilitating Nerve Dystrophy as an Artist, Writer and Human

By Elizabeth Mami Livingston 

The moment my life changed wasn't the day our family realized that our mother suffered from Munchausen by Proxy, a severe mental illness. Everyone knew, but no one talked about it. The members of my family, the siblings' relationship with their Mother and Father, family, and themselves broken into smaller pieces each moment of their dark days. 

It wasn’t when I understood that there was no comfort or words of love that could come from a silent, incapable of expression, product of his generation, Father. 

The moment when my life changed wasn’t the day I was raped by a boy I had a crush on and had no one to tell but my diary. Still too young to even think of the possible consequences, puberty having just begun. The story of most young girls and women continued, no better story to be written in Hollywood. 

My world didn’t change when I was sexually assaulted in a classroom full of my peers when the psychology teacher left the room. The joy of my life was learning and my mind was filled with curiosity, wanting to explore the wonders of the world. 

My life’s pivotal moment wasn’t when I graduated with honors and a college readiness, but no college to go to. I almost made myself fail my Senior year, to stay in school. It wasn’t the moment I escaped from my home, filled with terror from my Mother’s growing madness- with an older man who I thought knew all the answers to my many questions about life, but he didn’t. 

My life wasn’t changed when my lost heart was found, like most of us, seeking a relationship of love and trust and finding the challenge deeply fraught with pain. My life didn’t change the moment my daughter was born, by cesarean, and breech, by a retired doctor on Labor Day, (You can’t make this up.) There were no other expecting women, or post-birth mothers to share my birth horror story. A rural, empty labor and delivery ward, no babies crying, only my cries of pain and despair, bouncing off of sterile, white walls. A tiny daughter whisked off, born too early; 10 days alone with no child. The loss of the experience with a doula and a simple, natural birth had escaped my desire with a silent, internal scream.. It wasn’t the moment I opened my own art studio; A small business with a life of its own, growing through sheer will alone. But my wish for it to be something real and accepted was ripped away by a mothers comment, “When are you going to get a real job?” Then, as if Hades had heard my Mothers sneering voice, on a mid-afternoon spring day, a devastating fire blew out the building and then crept ever so slowly until it exploded the front wall of my 25 year old fine art and graphic studio. The home of all my experience as an artist, a lifetime of work, now lay in rubble and burnt dust. 

My life didn’t change as my daughter grew beyond the walls of her birth bower and left the nest I had struggled to maintain, seeking her own nest to build. The young woman now seeking the world on her own, the terror visceral in my throat.

A decade of terrible loss more than can be described in these dark lines of written experience. 

The moment my life changed was a beautiful day; bright blue sky and warm fall air. A glorious moment filled with golden light. The joy of independence and a hopeful future. Pushing past the trauma that lay inside, squirming and slithering, ever rising to the surface to remind me of the chain I pulled behind me. 

The world spit its reality and a dream unfolded before me. A second of existence moving slowly, like frozen water, sliding across my field of vision. My body moved like a moving snake, twisting and turning with an elegant wave. A bright flash of pain. My mind was unable to fathom what had just happened. Months of a rush to find an answer, where none would be found. Of course it is a rare thing. No normal broken bones or damaged muscles here. The questions of purpose driven to the deep darkness of sorrow and a life potential unfulfilled. 

The alternate journey had been chosen by another, befalling on a simple heart, a gentle soul with a world of ideas to give; no longer in control of her body. A heart along for the ride with another driver at the wheel. There were many attempts to turn back the tide of this storm cloud that had followed every second of my days. 

Sigh…so there, there it is

The neverending cycle of questions and a purpose driven life, swallowed by the unexpected; a life crushed under the weight of sepia tones, hollow and in shadow. The moment was still weaving in and out of my day to day existence. The scene playing on a forever computer loop. Suddenly, I felt as if I had no more purpose than the autumn burgundy, red and orange leaves gathered at my feet. 

This is my story, not unlike many souls throughout humanity, but most are unable to speak to the nature of their brokenness, and achingly slow recovery

I’m in the fall of my Life’s journey and never have felt so complete. My Nerve Dystrophy will continue progressing, each day taking bits of my ability. The pain is ever present, recalling the moment of the crash of the car into my body. But, finally there is a sense of ground beneath me. Though the wind does blow against my shivering skin, and my body leans back and forth, I have come to understand the many arms, unseen as they may be, are there to catch me when I fall. This is survival at its core. 

The recognition that there are times in our path, that we feel the desperation of loneliness, and feel powerless to change what’s happening. All it takes is one step forward and we get there with a million, million souls behind us that went through the same heartache, and some…much worse. We carry those burdens in our very DNA, not even realizing it’s there until Gaia decides to throw a branch on our car. 

Screamin, crying, curled in a fetal position, became my safe space for many years, but the light always, and ever, has pulled me forward. The tiny spark of hope that drives the human condition to seek something better than what they have.


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